Praising pre-teens when they dont deserve it? How do I avoid too much criticism?

Before I had kids I vowed to use the 3 praises for every criticism rule, where obviously the idea is to boost them up 3 times for every time you knock them down. I have 2 kids and 3 step kids. Now the theory works just great on the kids who try, and who earn the praise, but what do you do for a 12 year old boy who DOESNT deserve it?


The way I see it I cant avoid criticising him because that just lets him get away with stuff which the other kids dont get away with (e.g. using knife and fork at dinner and not fingers) but if I'm suppose to praise him 3 times to offset that criticism, what do I do if he is doing nothing to earn it? Do I say "well done on not causing any permanent harm to your brothers today" as his praise? no other kid gets praised for not hurting anyone else.


I'd like opinions from anyone else who has dealt with pre-teens and teens with attitude problems How do we correct their behaviour without damaging their self esteem from constant criticism?

Praising pre-teens when they dont deserve it? How do I avoid too much criticism?
If children need correcting,verbally or otherwise,it must be done for their own sakes.


There are plenty of other things to praise them for but you don't need to "offset" anything - if he is going through a defiant or mischievous phase then that must be dealt with in it's own right and that's the end of the matter.


You need to be consistent with all of the children and have the same rules for all of them.


Good luck!
Reply:That's it - Good luck again! Report It

Reply:I am chuckeling when I read your post because I have 9 children and 3 preteens. The only real answer here is that the person who said the 3 praise thing... is single with no kids. I am a christian man and can say I have spanked my children, combined, less than 10 times....ever. I correct them in there endevours and repremand when needed, but I always follow up with them, within not more than ten minutes with a hug, and " I love you". We then discuss what was wrong and how to not make that choice again. Love is the unconditional factor if you dont forget to respect your child at the same time. Your child will always respect you if its what you show and command in return.
Reply:a good ol butt whippin works wonders...get the kid under control before you worry about self esteam issues