To parents:what do we teens have to do for our parents to trust us?

I'm 15, this upsets me. My parents trust me and I trust them, but I have several friends who are good kidsdand don't have their parents trust. Some don't mind, but some get really sad and depressed with this. I've never got in any bad trouble, and it's been more than 3 years I haven't got any punishment at all. My worst punishment was ro be grounded for 2 days, I had to stay home but was allowed to watch TV, etc. But, if I mess up - and I'm human and a teen - will I lose all my parents trust? I know most teens mess up at certain point, this seems to be the rule. Most parents messed up too when they were teens. So, does this mean almost no parents trust their kids? Some people say once trust is gone it's hard to get back? Does this mean if a kid messes up - and this will happen to almost 100% of them - then they'll never get back their parents trust? This is cruel, no one deserves this. Don't parents believe kids can change and become trustworth again? Why torture them emotionally?

To parents:what do we teens have to do for our parents to trust us?
This is hard. A parent's worse fear is that their child won't come home because they've gotten killed doing something dumb. The best way to gain and keep your parent's trust is to be responsible. That means not needing to be told when your room needs cleaning or homework needs to be donw or chores need to be finished. Taking responsibility to things you don;t HAVE to do also shows your parents that you are thinking clearly. I would feel if you are thinking clearly at home, there is more of a chance of you doing the right thing outside of the home.





But once, you lose that trust, getting it back is hard. Parents feel like they made a mistake. What if that misplaced trust ended up with you dying in a car wreck or being arrested for drug possession? A parent will feel guilty because they didn't know their child as well as they thought. They won't trust you nor will they trust themselves to determine when you can be trusted.





It's not about punishing kids emotionally. Yes, punishment is necessary, but with me it's more of a sense of protection than anything else. Trust me, if you've ever been around a parent who has lost a child then you would understand the kind of pain a parent goes through.
Reply:set up a scenario where there parents know will disobey their trust and that kid acts like he dosn't know his parents are there but they don't break their trust
Reply:yeah, that gets me too. I'm also 15 and back when i was 11/12, i was the family rebel. Literally, everything they told me no to do, I did. I was on drugs, drunk, and i had a sailors mouth. and i really didn't blame them for not trusting me, heck, i didn't even trust myself. but when i turned 13, i started going to church and got saved and totally turned my life around, and haven't touched any of the junk since. and now, they trust me a lot. i'm the most responsible one in my family, but i can't help but wonder one of these days, i'm going to screw up big time, and BOOM, there i am, at the bottom again. it's sick, but that's the way it works. i love and trust my parents, and i know they love me, but the trust is something i always have to work for.and personally, with me, i think that's ok.
Reply:hmmm... well for me personally i never lost my parent's trust, i just never made any huge mistakes.


kids don't have to mess up. i know they make mistakes but they should avoid the ones that cause trust to be lost! don't put yourselves in stupid situations and you can avoid most problems!


yes it is hard to get trust back, this is why you should just try hard to keep it!


it sounds like you are planning on losing their trust!
Reply:i did mess up and lost my parents trust, more than once, and it was hard but i always got it back, now im 21 and i dont do stupid things anymore, but i made mistakes and my parents were going crazy with me.. now we have a great relationship, im an adult and we get along fine. And even thou i messed up i didnt live grounded or anything, m y teen years were great, i had punishments and all, but overall i had lots of fun and its more good than bad.. a lot more good!! so thats just the way it is.. you can make mistakes, and your parents will try to correct you, but its about how bad you mess up.. so.. just try to be a good daughter and your parents will see that.. even if you make mistakes they always will love you.. and you will regain their trust!
Reply:You're right - it's not fair. Some kids are very trustworthy, responsible, good kids who occasionally mess up. For them, I would say it's ok to trust them. There ARE some kids that the parents just will never trust because they CONSTANTLY do things that are untrustworthy. If a generally good kid messes up one time, NO - I don't think the trust is gone forever! Part of good parenting is teaching your child that the love you have for them is UNCONDITIONAL - that means, no matter how bad you mess up, you'll still be there for them and love them. Yes, once trust is broken, it's difficult to regain so that means teenagers just need to be aware of that.





When I was growing up, I would get so upset that my parents treated me like a kid. But really....I was a kid! I would yell "why can't you treat me like an adult?!" My parents would reply "when you start acting like an adult, we will treat you that way." Sure enough - my brother, when HE was a teenager, he was so much more responsible, trustworthy, etc....so they treated him that way. They gave him much more freedom.





My advice to teenagers? If you want to be treated like an adult, then ACT LIKE ONE. That means, no throwing tantrums when you don't get your way (as an adult, you understand life isn't fair %26amp; you don't always get what you want), don't take all the material things your parents give you for granted (adults understand not everyone has these things and appreciate them), act like a person with manners, and treat others with respect, take school seriously, and learn the value of hard work and money.
Reply:i agree with you. it seems as if parents cant trust their very own children anymore. i think they need to realize that teens are just growing up. they need to have time and space to make their own mistakes and mess ups. not everyone learns from their parents. parents mess up all the time with teens and the teens still seem to trust their parents, why cant the parents trust their teens when they mess up?????
Reply:Trust is a two way street. Teens have to realize parents worry so much because WE know what WE did or tried to do as teens. But it's true, that doesn't mean our children will be that way, and deserve a chance to prove themselves. I suggest having your friends be open with what they want to do, and ask parents if they can compromise a solution (ie. have curfew late). Your friends may have to deal with tight rules until they prove they can handle the "agreement" and earn more freedom. What I CAN tell you is that the absolute worst thing to do is to go behind their parent's back and do things, because if found out that will really set them back and falls under the "trust is hard to get back" heading. Parental rules are not meant to drag you down--we only want to keep you from making bad choices. And let's face it...teens can make some pretty life altering choices if not guided properly. Best of luck!