How to get through or talk to teens, "Don't yell/bitsh at me!"?

How do you get through to a teen, when you need to lecture them or your try to calmly talk to them, their defensive response is: "Quit yelling at me!" Example" My teen has been harrassed at school by bullies. She is a bully herself. She dresses like a bully. My 1 rule is no red. (I chose my battles) So she wears black, but it makes her look hard, the school and I have told her this. She doesnt think its a problem, but when I look at her I tell her it gives me the impression, "come on- mess with me. She says she wants to change but when I try and talk to her its the "Quit bitching!" My other teens do the same thing, when I talk about school or homework, its "Stop! Your being annoying!" I could be in the most monotone voice and they still think I am yelling. How do you let kids hear the importance of our lectures? Any ideas? I feel like they don't respect me when they cut or shut me off! I know they are teens and its typical, BUT they still need to listen to me with respect.

How to get through or talk to teens, "Don't yell/bitsh at me!"?
Well, a moody teenager at times myself, I can empathize with what your daughter may be going to. Sometimes, we are going through so much, and we just want to handle it ourselves, though that is not really practical. Of course logically, the best method would be to talk to a parent about our problems, but since when have teens ever been logical? Never. I think your daughter may be going through some tough times, and with bullying, there may be a bigger problem than the clothes she's wearing. The real question is WHY is she a bully? What happened to make her that way, what is going on in her life that she feels she must take her anger out on other people, including you? It seems she's trying to deal with a lot by herself, which may be the reason she isn't listening to you.





When you begin to talk about something, make sure you are really calm. Whether it is homework, or clothing, if you talk quietly, calmly, and rationally, she's way more likely to listen to you. Sitting her down, and discussing problems with her like a mature adult may be the best way. She'll feel like you are being respectful to her, and in turn, will probably be respectful to you. I know what it's like to feel like the whole world has turned against you, and then have your parents get angry. When this occurs, I tend to end up yelling and screaming, and nothing is ever accomplished.





So hopefully, if you treat your daughter like an adult with respect, she'll treat you the same way.





Best of luck!
Reply:Why cant she wear red??
Reply:I guess try and sit them down and talk normally not monotone or yelling. I'm 21 and if my parents let me wear anything but red I would hope they would leave me be if I didn't wear red, but some kids these days take it to the extreme to something else they know their parents won't like. Your the parent so you can tell her what not to wear or do, but kids don't always listen. Nothing will probably change them being defensive though.
Reply:Wow....looks like you are heading down the right path. You just gotta keep that door open, explain that what you are doing is for her safety and that you love her no matter what her perception of your intentions.